Receiving a difficult medical diagnosis can feel overwhelming. It can be hard to know how to break the news to your family and friends. But telling someone you trust can help you feel supported and allow those who love you to be there for you.

Sharing a medical diagnosis with others is a very personal decision — there’s no single “right” approach. However, the benefits of sharing your diagnosis include helping you feel supported and working together as a team to manage your condition. If your condition also affects others, it’s a good idea to let them know so they understand what’s going on, too.

Remember, you don’t have to tell everyone right away. Take your time and only disclose as much as you want to — to those people you trust.

It’s often a good idea to share with those closest to you first before telling others.

But it is your diagnosis to share, and you must do so in a way that feels right for you.

When you receive a diagnosis, your first thoughts may include some of the following:

  • “I want to protect my loved ones from distress.”
  • “I can handle it on my own.”
  • “I don’t want to become a burden.”
  • “I don’t want them to treat me differently.”
  • “I don’t want my relationships to change.”

These anxieties are completely normal.

However, sharing your feelings can often ease your worries and help you see that you’re not alone. Research suggests that emotional support from friends and family can improve the quality of life for someone coping with a serious diagnosis. Your loved ones will likely want to help, and allowing them in can provide you with support — both emotional and practical.

Though your relationships may change, they may even become stronger as you navigate this new situation together. Your loved ones will likely feel glad you shared this with them and gave them the opportunity to support you because they care about you.

Telling those closest to you first can be a good idea, as they know you best and can give you the support you need. They can also help you tell others if you wish to. This may include friends, family, or extended family. But there are no rules, and you should only share information with people you trust and feel comfortable sharing with.

Think about where and when you may want to share your diagnosis. A good idea is to find a quiet, calm place where you won’t be disturbed. If you plan to tell your loved one over the phone, make sure it’s not a busy time and that they are in a private place where they can talk.

You may want to tell a few people at the same time or tell one person first, and have them be there to help you tell others.

Timing

You may or may not choose to tell loved ones when your diagnosis is unclear. However, having some support during this time can help you navigate your feelings. Consider telling a close family member or friend. You can hold off telling others until you know more.

In some cases, you might even want to wait until you have a treatment plan in place before telling loved ones. If that’s the case, speaking with a professional can help ensure you have other sources of support in the meantime.

It can be difficult to know how to start the conversation, but directly saying, “I have something to tell you” or “This is difficult, but I need to share something” is often the best approach.

Use simple language to explain your diagnosis and what it means. You don’t have to share all the medical details if you’re not ready or if it might overwhelm the other person. Check in to see if they are following and how they are feeling.

You may want to use phrases like “Does that make sense?” or “Do you want me to explain more?”

Being honest about how you feel also helps others understand how best to support you. It’s OK to say, “I feel worried at the moment” or “I’m a bit scared and uncertain right now.” On the other hand, if you feel hopeful, share this too.

Remember, if there’s something you don’t want to talk about, you can say that you don’t feel ready to speak about it just yet or that you’ll let them know when you find out more.

Your medical information is confidential, so your doctor or hospital cannot release information to family members or friends without your permission.

You can also ask those you tell to keep what you share private if that’s what you’d prefer.

People may react strongly to learning about a loved one’s diagnosis, especially if it comes as a bit of a shock. On the other hand, some people may not seem to react as you’d expect them to.

Some reactions that family members and friends may have include:

  • shock and crying
  • denial or leaving the room to avoid the situation
  • being quiet or not seeming to react
  • excessive worry or “springing into action”

It’s important to be prepared for your loved ones to have different emotions, especially right after you tell them. But as they have time to process the information, their feelings will likely become less overwhelming.

However, if you are worried about initial reactions, you can start by saying you’d like everyone to try to remain calm, as this will help you to feel OK and is what you need from them.

Physical touch, such as hugging or sitting quietly holding hands, can often be comforting if this is something that feels natural to you.

People often want to offer support but don’t know how. Don’t hesitate to express specific ways they can help, for example:

  • driving you to appointments
  • helping with chores
  • having a chat over the phone

Sometimes you may not want help. If this is the case, you can use gentle phrases, such as:

  • “I don’t need advice right now, but I appreciate you being there for me just to listen.”
  • “Please be patient with me as I process this. I might not want to talk about it all the time.”
  • “Thanks for offering to help me. I don’t need help at the moment, but if I do, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
  • “Thank you, but my medical team and I already have a plan in place.”

Support and resources

If your diagnosis will potentially require your loved ones to help you with daily tasks, resources are available to help with this transition.

Educational materials about your condition can help family members understand your needs and how they can best support you. This can also be useful if you don’t wish to keep talking about it.

Counseling options for both you and your loved ones can be a valuable tool to help you navigate your situation.

  • Children: Young children need simple explanations, whereas teens may ask to know more details. Consider telling children only as much as necessary so as not to overwhelm them.
  • Older family members: Vulnerable family members or older relatives may find it more difficult to cope with learning about your diagnosis. You may choose not to tell certain people based on what’s right for you and for them.
  • Estranged relationships: Though you might not be in contact with all your family members, some conditions may have a genetic component. Sharing your diagnosis with those who may be at risk can support them in making informed health decisions. Genetic counselors can help guide you on how best to communicate this sensitive information.

Sharing a medical diagnosis with loved ones brings unique challenges. But being open while setting boundaries where needed can help you get the support you need and allow those who love you to help.

Take a little time for yourself to process your own feelings, then put together a plan of who you may want to tell first and how you’ll go about this. Prepare what you want to say and bring any useful information that can help explain if the words don’t come to you.

Remember, there’s no “right” way to do this, and though things may change once you tell people, you’re not alone in this journey.