Sometimes, toxic positivity can be accidental. But even if it’s inadvertent, it can still be harmful. Expressing all your emotions — including the positive and the negative — can be therapeutic and a form of self-care.
Breast cancer can take a toll on your physical, emotional, and mental health.
While having positivity and surrounding yourself with positive people can be empowering, they can also be harmful.
When too much positivity causes you to avoid discomfort or dismiss your feelings, the unintended effects can become toxic. It’s not easy to push back on toxic positivity if you have breast cancer, but it’s possible.
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, toxic positivity occurs when encouraging statements aim to minimize painful emotions. This can cause unrealistic optimism.
A big concern with this belief system is that it denies human emotion. It can also lead to isolation if you don’t feel supported and validated when sharing negative emotions.
It’s toxic because negative thoughts and feelings are natural to experience when facing breast cancer.
Toxic positivity can be self-imposed or from external pressures like a friend, family member, or healthcare professional.
Toxic positivity often includes the dismissal of negative feelings and emotions.
It can make people with breast cancer feel that their emotions aren’t legitimate or valid, and doesn’t allow a space to discuss their feelings and emotions, which can be harmful.
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Expressing your thoughts and feelings — positive or negative — can be a form of self-care and is crucial for mental health and awareness.
Toxic positivity can make it more difficult to diffuse negative feelings because you’re not able to get relief by sharing them with someone who cares.
Pushing back on toxic positivity starts with you.
For some people, this may mean managing it on their own. For others, seeking help from a professional may be the first step.
First, get support
Consider finding a therapist who specializes in working with people with cancer. You might also want to join a support group or other peer-driven community to increase social interaction.
Meeting others who understand what you’re going through can help you realize that your thoughts and feelings are valid.
Speak up and be honest about your feelings
You can push back against toxic positivity by being honest with how you’re feeling.
When faced with toxic positivity, you might try saying something like, “Acknowledging my emotions helps me process what I’m going through,” or “I don’t feel positive or happy right now, but that’s okay, and my feelings and emotions are not permanent.”
Determine what helps you heal and grieve, and surround yourself with those who can help with that — not shut it or you down.
Look for ways to express your feelings
Getting in touch with your thoughts and feelings is the first step. The next step is to find healthy ways to express them.
Everyone has different ways of expressing their feelings. Find what works for you, whether that be through art, journaling, or something else.
Surround yourself with the right people
Listen to what makes you feel good and who helps you feel good. Be mindful of who you allow into your inner circle.
Those who bring toxic positivity into your life may be coping with fears of their own.
Take time to focus on your breath
Slow down and practice grounding exercises, like breathing techniques, meditation, yoga, or something else that keeps you centered.
If you’re looking for ways to support a loved one going through breast cancer, the best thing you can do is hold space for them and get support yourself.
Hold space for the person going through treatment
Holding space for someone going through treatment means letting them know you’re there for them, no matter what. Make sure you let them know that you want to know how they’re really doing.
Ask what they might need. Remember that it’s also OK to say, “You’re going through a hard time, and I don’t know what to say, but I am here for you. What can I do?”
Rather than trying to put on a brave face and inadvertently reinforcing toxic positivity, let them know that you want to help in all the ways you can — even if you’re not sure where or how to start.
Get support for yourself
These existential dilemmas impact anyone. Getting support for yourself can help.
Consider finding a support group for people with a loved one living with cancer. It might help to hear how others are approaching similar situations.
Everyone experiences breast cancer differently. How you manage the journey from diagnosis and treatment to life after is best guided by you.
Identifying and accepting difficult emotions is critical to your journey — and this includes all feelings and emotions.
Pushing back on toxic positivity may not be easy. But with the right support, you can learn ways to address and cope with it.