If you have ADHD, you may fall into all-or-nothing or black-and-white patterns of thinking. This can negatively affect your self-confidence and your relationships with others.

If you have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you may consider yourself a perfectionist or have perfectionist tendencies.

This can manifest in various ways: You may set high expectations for yourself that you would not hold others to, assume the worst if you aren’t given direct positive feedback, or feel terrified of making mistakes. In the end, if you feel that you can’t do something perfectly, you may not make an attempt at all.

This all-or-nothing mindset — also called black-and-white thinking — can be detrimental in your professional and personal life. However, this pattern of thinking can be amended over time.

Inattention is a hallmark symptom of ADHD. It can lead to overlooking details, forgetting elements of larger tasks, and making mistakes. When this occurs, it may result in negative feedback from peers or superiors. Years of this may have made you hyperaware of making mistakes.

Separately, individuals with ADHD may be more sensitive to criticism. Together, these elements may lead you to work on a task until it is done well. But on the other hand, it could also lead to paralysis.

You may also get stuck in all-or-nothing thinking patterns as a result of additional stressors, such as:

Having an all-or-nothing mindset can make it hard to accept anything less than perfection from both yourself and others. This can negatively affect your self-confidence and your relationships.

For example, you may have difficulty reaching certain personal goals, such as establishing an exercise regimen or maintaining a diet. In both of these cases, one is bound to “mess up” at some point. But with an all-or-nothing mindset, missing one day can feel like you’ve completely failed and prompt you to stop trying altogether.

You may have a collection of abandoned hobbies, such as half-finished crafts, unread books, and unplayed games. This can lead to a lack of fulfillment.

In relationships, you may cut people off after one negative interaction. When you walk into a room, you may assume that no one likes you if no one approaches you, and miss out on forming new friendships or professional connections.

There are several ways that you can adjust your mindset.

Reflect

To begin to shift your mindset, you may consider the following:

  • Why do I feel the need to be perfect? Is it because you feel that you need to prove yourself to others? Do you assign a lot of value to what others think of you? Why is that? Understanding why you feel the need to be perfect in the first place can help you take actionable steps to change your thought patterns.
  • Perfection stops progress. If everything must be perfect for you to engage in a certain task, you will inevitably delay yourself from making progress. You’re not going to be perfect at everything you do right away.
  • Mistakes are a learning opportunity. As cheesy as it sounds, it is truly better to try and fail than to never try at all. Mistakes aren’t a waste of time and energy if you can take that experience with you and use it to continue working on your goals.
  • Constructive criticism can be a good thing. You can’t please everyone all the time. When someone criticizes you, ask yourself why it made you feel the way you did. Feel the emotions, step away, and then return to what they told you. It may be able to help you improve.
  • Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone has a different path. Your only competition is yourself. It can be helpful to celebrate your peers’ achievements—they may show up for you, too.
  • Remember that your productivity does not define your worth. You have intrinsic value as a person, and that doesn’t change based on what you have or have not accomplished.

Set realistic goals and acknowledge when you reach them

If a task is too overwhelming, you may be less inclined to complete it. Expecting perfection can add unnecessary stress to basic tasks.

For example, instead of setting the goal of eating perfectly every day for a week, you may alter it to something smaller, such as trying to eat a vegetable with every meal. Making small changes is more sustainable long term.

When you reach your goals, it’s important to stop and celebrate them. This can help keep the momentum going so you can continue making progress. If you fall short of your goals or make a mistake, it’s important not to punish yourself.

Differentiating between “perfect” and “done” can also help. For example, your to-do list doesn’t need to have perfect handwriting; it just needs to be made so you can get started on your tasks.

Practice self-compassion

Being kinder to yourself is the antithesis of perfectionism and black-and-white thinking. Whether you’re aware of it or not, the way you think about and talk to yourself shapes your actions.

When you find yourself sliding into negative thought patterns, challenge yourself to think about the positives. For example, if you make a mistake at work, remind yourself of your wins.

Consider cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

If you’ve tried the above strategies to no avail or need more support, working with a therapist in CBT can help you overcome perfectionism.

The all-or-nothing mindset, or black-and-white thinking, can negatively affect your relationships with yourself and with others and hold you back from achieving your goals.

Taking steps such as reflecting on your need for perfection, setting achievable goals, and practicing self-compassion can help you combat this mindset.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can also help you work through this.